Sidewalk Bends

Exploring the soul and it's reaches.

Posts Tagged ‘depression

Unfinished Thoughts

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Exhale

No one wants to reflect the negativity they can encompass, but yet it is a part of us, for some of us more than others. Some of us are far better at dealing with these self-perceived imperfections while some of us choose to ignore it. Others dwell, as I often do. Others do it compulsively, almost to a fault.

It becomes a habit, a behavior that comforts us, no matter how self-destructive. Yet that comfort seems to override any semblance of peace, and what we know to be right.

 

Karma

Do not judge another for in doing so you judge yourself. The fault that is seen so acutely is seen first in yourself. The love and good seen in others is first seen in yourself.

 

Laugh

The light of day; how I wish to recognize you again.
The moon, how I miss our conversations when you disappear.

Laughter, when it didn’t mean poking fun at others; to live in innocence again.

 

Reprieve

A life we can no longer remember. Happiness is a distant memory. Reprieve from the mind.

Written by Sidewalk Bends

July 23, 2013 at 6:35 pm

I Am No Longer

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I do not know myself. Lost in my mind I cannot see. I am no longer who I was when I was a child. I am no longer who I was when I was a teenager. I am no longer who I was in my young adulthood. I am no longer.

I cannot recall yesterday, but not because my memory is gone. It used to be that I could not remember because I looked forward to the future, and now it is because looking back is too painful. I long for days when I had more clarity, when words flowed from my heart and my fingers just dictated the words, the thoughts and the feelings.

I long for those days and yet I know they too were not perfect. I struggled like all others. I thought I had clarity, but like others I had mistaken a glimpse for all that was. Understanding was not mine and yet I made it so. Though I can sometimes look back fondly, I know I cannot return. I am no longer that person, and yet I am.

To return is to go back to an understanding that was not all true. To go back is to relive my mistakes, and that too I know I cannot do. Everything seems a jumbled mess and yet I know this is how it must be. I know that in this I am born again. I need not look to the next life, for there is continuity in all of existence.

Written by Sidewalk Bends

May 11, 2013 at 7:47 am

Let Us Cry Together

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crying childDo not take away my pain for it is mine to bear. Do not take away my tears for they are mine to shed. Do not take away my heartache for it is mine to understand. Do not parse my words for they are mine to express. Do not tell me how to grieve. Do not tell me how to cry. Love me the same as you would love those in pain.

It is difficult to watch those we love suffer in such a way we can only fathom to understand. No one wants to see their children, siblings or parents in pain. No one wants to watch those they love go through an anguish that can alone be lifted with time and healing.

While we all grieve in our own way we must allow each to express themselves in their way and in their time. Some fold into their shell and hide from prying eyes. Some cry uncontrollably. Some appear as though all emotions have been wiped from their face. Some become angry and lash out. Still others seek comfort and solace in all who would give it. Though we may all grieve in our own way, we need not grieve alone. We need not suffer alone. We need not heal alone.

Though we may each shed a tear, let us shed it together. Let us cry on each other’s shoulders and worry not about the time. Let us accept each other’s loving embrace and remember we are never alone. Let us remember that in happy times, and sad, we are always loved. We are never alone. Let us celebrate together.

Written by Sidewalk Bends

April 17, 2012 at 12:35 am

The Procession

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funeral processionWhen we spend our time mourning we forget life. Life can be a procession of funerals and long faces if we allowed. We can grieve over the past and double over our regrets, but in doing so do we not just churn our pain and our tears into thick mortar to be plastered like thick masks. We each process perceived loss differently. Some can easily let go, though never quite forgetting, while others feel it is their duty and obligation to carry a guilt that was never meant to be.

Pain is often imprinted much deeper than a memory filled with happiness. But if we would rather count the scars than the smiles, perhaps we’ve missed what celebrating life really means. As much as we would like to believe, the scars do not have to be permanent. There does not need to be tears, at least not tears of sadness. There does not need to be regret. There does not need to be that feeling of hopelessness, or a vacancy we think we cannot fill.

Life as with death, or the acceptance of it, is by our choosing. We can choose to see life as a procession of funerals, or we can see it as a celebration and a transformation of understanding. Perhaps in the death of ego, one can live again.

Written by Sidewalk Bends

September 10, 2011 at 3:26 am

Sweetest Perfection

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Can you love me enough to see past my flaws?
Can you love me enough to see me through life?
Can you love me enough to let me fall?
Can you love me enough to let me pick myself up?
Can you love me enough to give me a pat on the back?
Can you love me enough to give me words of encouragement?
Can you love me enough to be yourself?

When I mope and throw a fit, I just want to be loved.
When I scream, I just want to be loved.
When I cry, I just want to be loved.
When I’m alone and hide, I just want to be loved.

I just want to be loved. Can you love me enough?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

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child: “What does it mean, God?”

parent: “I don’t know honey. What does ‘God’ mean to you?”

child: “God means to love yourself.”

Earlier this afternoon, I used the word “God” in front of my son, and the preceding conversation ensued. Initially when my son asked me the meaning of God, I hesitated to give him an answer because I wanted him to form his own belief. I wanted him to come to his own understanding without being spoon fed my beliefs or the beliefs of my wife and our families. Little did I know that he would teach me. At four years old, he was very matter of fact, as if to say, “Dad, you are looking too hard. It’s right there in front you.” And so he was right. Love yourself.

Learning to Live Again

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Sometimes there is no returning to the way things were because the way things were, were never quite right. Though life may have seemed a better time, and memories seem like pleasant melodies, we can no sooner live in the past than we can live in the future. In trying to relive the past, we miss appreciation for life now. Though life may sometimes feel overwhelming, or downright unbearable, sometimes breaking the mold is the only way to move forward. Re-learn to live. Re-learn to breathe. Re-learn to love. There is only the infinite now.

Written by Sidewalk Bends

May 15, 2011 at 7:29 am