Sidewalk Bends

Exploring the soul and it's reaches.

I Am No Longer

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I do not know myself. Lost in my mind I cannot see. I am no longer who I was when I was a child. I am no longer who I was when I was a teenager. I am no longer who I was in my young adulthood. I am no longer.

I cannot recall yesterday, but not because my memory is gone. It used to be that I could not remember because I looked forward to the future, and now it is because looking back is too painful. I long for days when I had more clarity, when words flowed from my heart and my fingers just dictated the words, the thoughts and the feelings.

I long for those days and yet I know they too were not perfect. I struggled like all others. I thought I had clarity, but like others I had mistaken a glimpse for all that was. Understanding was not mine and yet I made it so. Though I can sometimes look back fondly, I know I cannot return. I am no longer that person, and yet I am.

To return is to go back to an understanding that was not all true. To go back is to relive my mistakes, and that too I know I cannot do. Everything seems a jumbled mess and yet I know this is how it must be. I know that in this I am born again. I need not look to the next life, for there is continuity in all of existence.

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Written by Sidewalk Bends

May 11, 2013 at 7:47 am

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