Sidewalk Bends

There is no such thing as stability when it comes to one’s life path. It is simply trust, misplaced. We take comfort in the constructs that we create in life. We tell ourselves that if we go to school and become educated that we will have a good job when we’re finished. We tell ourselves that if we save our money that it will always be there for a rainy day. We tell ourselves that if we show loyalty to people that others will reciprocate. We tell ourselves all of these things in the hopes that it all might just come true.

We live our lives expecting a specific set of possible outcomes, but when those outcomes are different, it causes us confusion. It causes us to question our very existence. The person who sought to educate themselves is now faced with having to compete with others of a similar background for a single position. The person, who saved, is now faced with inflation that outpaces one’s savings. The person who was loyal is now faced with the realization that his loyalty meant nothing to the one he sought to impress.

Our lives are filled with similar examples of misplaced trust. When our expectations are not met, we blame others, and we blame ourselves. We become self-destructive when what we really need is to open our hearts and our minds to what truly exists, and to what truly matters.

We spend so much of our time contemplating the what-if moments, the possibilities, but we never ask ourselves, does it matter? Is the purpose of life to earn money? Is the purpose of life to try and learn every possible thing we can? Is the purpose of life to impress others? Perhaps it is none of these things. Perhaps it is simply to express oneself, to take joy in each moment, as it comes, regardless of how it we are perceived. A moment not judged, is a moment lived, and yet here we are judging ourselves each step of the way.

The happiest moments in life are those when everything is left on the table. Leave nothing unsaid. Leave nothing undone. Leave nothing for tomorrow. Tomorrow does not always lend itself to better circumstances so rather than wait for the most optimal time, leave all the expectations behind.

There is no better time, or worst time so let there be no would have’s, could have’s or should have’s. Live life not for the hope of a better tomorrow, but live it for right now in this moment. Show all your cards, and leave all that you have on the table.

Let there be no regrets. Let there be no resentment. Shed every tear, kiss every cheek, hug every hug, and let there be no tomorrow.

Satisfaction is difficult to come by when we’ve allowed something to take the place of our heart. Nothing can fill a hole that digs itself deeper. Nothing can quench a thirst that sits in the sun. Nothing can please a mind that has itself convinced.

When we’re ready to stop and face ourselves, then we can see the real challenge we face. It’s not the promotion or the job. It’s not the marriage or the relationship. It’s not the salary or the bills. It’s our expectations.

It’s the expectations that we have of ourselves and of others. It’s the future we hoist above our heads and the past we try to forget. It’s the dreams we’ve swept under the rug for the sake of another. It’s all the things we thought we wanted, but didn’t know why.

When our dreams become us, have we forgotten what we’re after, or have our eyes been so set on the goal that we disregard all in our wake?

Can you love me enough to see past my flaws?
Can you love me enough to see me through life?
Can you love me enough to let me fall?
Can you love me enough to let me pick myself up?
Can you love me enough to give me a pat on the back?
Can you love me enough to give me words of encouragement?
Can you love me enough to be yourself?

When I mope and throw a fit, I just want to be loved.
When I scream, I just want to be loved.
When I cry, I just want to be loved.
When I’m alone and hide, I just want to be loved.

I just want to be loved. Can you love me enough?

Whether one is given a head start, one leaves with the pack, or one is last out of the gate, we arrive at our destination of understanding at the same time. Although we may look around and say, “This one is foolish. They do not know what they are doing,” or “This one is wise. Look at how much they understand,” neither has a leg up on the other. When we focus our energies and our efforts on trying to bring down another or lift another, we expect to see results.

Rather than expecting results, perhaps our energy would best be spent allowing another to understand themselves, while trying to also understand ourselves. When we focus on the iniquities of others, we do nothing but build resentment for others while at the same time distracting from those things that hold us back. There is no race or time by which all will be lost, or that all needs to be learned. There is simply now.

In living now and accepting what comes now, we remove the burdens of our wants and expectations. We remove the worries of defeat and loss. We remove ideas of denial and guilt. We remove all the things that prevent us from being our true selves.

When we make assumptions about people and how they will possibly act towards us or react toward a given situation, we act from a place of fear. Rather than approach a person or a situation with a clean slate, we place our fears in front of us as if to guard us from the possible outcome. But are we really protecting ourselves? Are we really seeing the truth, or are we judging someone before they have had a chance to act? Should not each person, regardless of their past, and regardless of their attitudes be given a chance? Should not each encounter be a new opportunity? It is true that we should not allow others to manipulate us. At the same time, if we treat each person with the expectation that they will behave as they have in the past, regardless if they behaved well or poorly, do we not rob ourselves of that moment? Are we then no better than the person we have come to judge?

Perhaps if we can break that cycle, we can give others a chance to grow and we can allow ourselves to grow. And if our assumptions are proven correct, rather than gloat and live in the temporary satisfaction of being right, we can put aside our pride. Perhaps that is all that is needed to reopen a door that was once thought to be shut. Though we might think we have nothing to learn or to gain from reopening a door, perhaps we can assist others and show them it is okay to walk through. It is okay to forgive. It is okay to put down a grudge. It is okay to admit error. It is okay to accept an apology. It is okay to let bygones be bygones. It is okay to move forward. It is okay to love again.

Remove the fear of not being loved.
Love yourself.

Remove the fear of doing the wrong thing.
Follow your heart.

Remove the fear of rejection.
Accept yourself.

Remove the fear of regret.
Live your life.

Remove the fear of expectations.
Set no limits.

Remove the fear of anticipation.
Take what comes.

Remove the fear of loneliness.
See your place in the universe.

Remove the fear of tomorrow.
Live for today.

Bring peace to your heart. Remove the fear.

Can you say you have no agenda?
Can you say that you have no expectations?
Can you speak without want to convince?
Can you act without want for accomplishment?
Can you listen without first being heard?
Can you share without regret?
Can you feel without guilt?
Can you love without the need for reciprocation?
Can you do all of these things and still be you?
Can you do all of these things and still allow others to be themselves?

Are perceived slights or insults real only if a person voices them out or acts them out? Are they any less real if the other person does not say anything out right? Are the emotions you feel any less real because others might not understand quite what you are feeling, or what brought you to those feelings? Are the slights and insults really slights and insults at all? Through our everyday interaction with friends, family and strangers, we observe how others react to us, or how others react toward the situations and perceived hurdles we each face. Sometimes we dismiss how others might act or feel, and other times strong emotions are elicited. Our throats swell up. Our palms start to sweat. Our fists begin to clench. Our hearts race. Suddenly we’re annoyed, angry or hurt. What brought us to that state of being? Was it truly because of what another person did, or was it out of fear? Was it because of the anticipation of being hurt, or actually being hurt? Was it because our pride as bruised? Was it because an expectation was not met? Was it because someone decided to live their life differently, or make choices contrary to what we would have for them? What stirs us to feel the way we feel?

If we judge our life and our experiences by a measuring stick, then we’ve already lost. All too often we judge the circumstances of our life by the perceived accomplishments of others and even by the occurrences in our own lives. But what if we placed an artificial ceiling over our heads? How many of us would be willing to surpass it? How many of us would reach beyond it? How many of us would even realize we could reach beyond? What if the only boundaries were the ones we placed in front of ourselves? We are our own worst enemy. All too often we succumb to expectations, whether they are our own or others’. We place others on pedestals. We idolize and worship. Whether it is wealth, fame, stature, or one’s place in society, we find ways to distill that which cannot be separated. We set ourselves apart. And in that process, we measure ourselves against our dreams and expectations.

What if what we perceived as the ideal was in fact an illusion? What if the greatest illusion, or delusion of all was desire, whether it is the desire to reach a state of enlightenment, or the desire to cling onto a memory or moment in time. In this state of want, do we not lose perspective? Do we not try to relive the past, or try to grab for the future in a veiled attempt to catch what cannot be captured? In that process, do we not become slaves to our desires?