The labels we give ourselves often hurt more than the labels others attribute to us. When we see ourselves in the light, we are in the light. When we see ourselves in the dark, we cannot see. We struggle to find self-worth and in doing so we look to others for validation however we can attain it.
Sometimes it means doing, acting and believing in things we normally would not, all for the satisfaction of approval. But in seeking approval outwardly or even secretly, are we destroying ourselves? Are we selling our self-worth and in the end compromising all that we have, the things that make us whole?
In seeking approval or happiness through means outside of our own internal happiness do we not become fractured beings? We can easily tear ourselves in search of ourselves, but until we are able to look firmly at our heart and soul, we will keep looking as if looking into a mirror held against another mirror.
The image we see of ourselves becomes so muddled that we cannot help but ask others what they see. But what we forget is that when we ask others to tell us what they see of us, we have already biased the other’s view.
It is a rare person who can tell another what they see with no strings attached. It is an even more rare person who can accept it and act upon it.
I do not know myself. Lost in my mind I cannot see. I am no longer who I was when I was a child. I am no longer who I was when I was a teenager. I am no longer who I was in my young adulthood. I am no longer.
I cannot recall yesterday, but not because my memory is gone. It used to be that I could not remember because I looked forward to the future, and now it is because looking back is too painful. I long for days when I had more clarity, when words flowed from my heart and my fingers just dictated the words, the thoughts and the feelings.
I long for those days and yet I know they too were not perfect. I struggled like all others. I thought I had clarity, but like others I had mistaken a glimpse for all that was. Understanding was not mine and yet I made it so. Though I can sometimes look back fondly, I know I cannot return. I am no longer that person, and yet I am.
To return is to go back to an understanding that was not all true. To go back is to relive my mistakes, and that too I know I cannot do. Everything seems a jumbled mess and yet I know this is how it must be. I know that in this I am born again. I need not look to the next life, for there is continuity in all of existence.
Out of phase listening to the past. On a train…
Man would like to operate in his own time, and would reshape the world. He would seek exploration of the outer world without first mastering the inner. In his pursuit of knowledge and mastery of all that he holds dear, he has enslaved his spirit and forsaken his own existence.
How much is enough to give? We are constantly making this calculation in our heads. If I give this amount, can I still cover my bills? Will I be able to pay for my lunch today? Will I still have cash left over? How much will be enough before this person moves on to ask the next person? How much is enough for me to not feel guilty and not feel resentful that the person asked for help in the first place? Will this person waste the money or will they use it for something worthwhile?
We ask these questions and many more, of ourselves when someone asks of our help, whether a beggar or even someone we know, More often than not, we fail to ask if the other person might need more help. We seem to care more about how we feel after leaving the situation than caring for the other person. Is that the right thing to do? Should our guilt or lack thereof take precedent over another person’s suffering? If we, individually, or as a whole, can ease the suffering of just one individual, should we not do all that is possible?
Rather than judge the cleanliness or disposition of an individual as a gauge of our willingness to give assistance, perhaps we should turn the microscope on ourselves. We have what we have only by the grace of the Divine. What has been given can surely be taken away? And so perhaps instead of being concerned with maintaining or counting on our next blessing, we should be sharing our blessings with others, that we may all feel the presence and be a witness to the Divine.
In doing so, perhaps we may see the Divine nature of man, for he is not lost, lest he wants to be.
He does not try to change or to make different the choices that are not his to make.
He watches and sees.
He does not force upon, or coerce.
His outcome is his own.
He is not set apart or made different.
It is you who does that, alone.
His life is made an open book.
It’s purpose, for you to grow.
Understanding alone is not the key. Understanding the truth and living the truth are two separate things. To live it is to breathe it. To live it is to be it, with every fiber, with every part of our being.
When the truth is forced it builds resentment. It builds anger, and it builds confusion. Confusion does not arise from questions of whether something is right or wrong, but from our desire to be without constraints, whether external or of the mind.
Each person must find their own key, in their own time. Through each individual’s experiences, they must find themselves, and we must allow it, for our path is our path, and no other’s. Like a parent with a watchful eye, we must allow ourselves to stand back. We must nourish without being overbearing, and most of all, we must love, unconditionally.